How to Find the Right Therapist for You

Finding the right therapist for you is the one of the most important parts of the therapeutic journey. Here are three ways to take the pressure off this overwhelming decision and find a therapist who's just right.

For decades, therapy research has shown over and over that the quality of the therapeutic relationship—aka the relationship between client and therapist—is the most important factor in deciding whether or not therapy actually works. What this means is that it's not the technique, tool, or type of therapy that's the most important variable—it's how well you click with your therapist!

Unfortunately, finding a therapist is one of the biggest obstacles for people seeking help with their relationships or mental health. And by that, I don't mean that the problem is a lack of counselors; in most locations, there are tons of therapists on Google and Psychology Today to choose from. What I mean is that the hardest part of finding a therapist is trying to decipher whether someone is going to be a good fit for you based on their picture, bio, and website alone—especially when you're feeling uncertain and scared about the entire therapy process.

If you're thinking "omg yes, that's me," here's my list of the best ways to find the right therapist:

1. See if the therapist offers a free consultation.

Many therapists offer a free consultation prior to booking a full session, and some require a consultation to make sure that they can adequately help you before having you fill out a bunch of paperwork and charging you for a full session. A consultation will let you get a feel for the therapist's personality and vibe, and allows you a safe and uncommitted space for you to ask questions. Therapists know that it's a lot of emotional labor to start therapy, and many of us like to offer a 15-20 minute consultation so you can test the waters without feeling drained, vulnerable, and potentially overcommitted.

If the therapist you're looking at doesn't mention anything about a consultation on their website or directory profile, just email them and ask! (And if they're weird about it, take that as a sign that maybe they're not the one for you. Consultations help both you AND the therapist make sure it's a good fit.)

I offer links to schedule a free consultation with me all over my website so that folks know that's an option—for example, click here to get on my calendar!

2. Search for therapists based on the top issues you want to address—if you can find a therapist who has experience with two or three, that's great!

It's always exciting when you find a therapist who has experience with multiple issues that are affecting your life. If you're having trouble narrowing down the online list of 300 therapists in your area, try searching by issue and look for someone who can help in multiple ways. For example, maybe you're...

• Super creative, have a parent who deals with substance abuse, and struggling to figure out whether to go to college or not? Search for an art therapist who has experience working with addiction and emerging adults.

• Overwhelmed by obligations, want to start a family, and feel like your sex life needs a lot of work? Someone who works with anxiety, perinatal, and sex therapy could be great.

• Have PCOS, childhood trauma, and wonder if you've actually been autistic all this time? A therapist who works with trauma, is neurodivergent-affirming, and does medical family therapy could meet your needs.

• ADHD, planning your wedding with your partner, and have trouble asserting yourself in your relationships that's all coming to a head during the engagement process? This one is me! Come talk to me!

An important caveat, however:

While it might be possible to find a counselor who can meet your every need, finding a therapist can be a lot like dating: sometimes a person who looks perfect on paper just isn't the right fit once you're face-to-face. And on the flipside, it's totally possible to find a talented, dream-fit therapist who has little experience with your specific issue, but who will nevertheless help you way more than a specialist who's simply not a match. So either way, be creative and follow your gut when it comes to searching for a therapist—you will find someone, even if it's not the first person you schedule a consultation or session with.

3. Don't be afraid of scheduling a first session with a couple of therapists to give yourself options.

   
   

This one could be a little controversial, since it's generally recommended not to have two therapists at once unless they're for different kinds of therapy and I don't want to confuse any readers with this suggestion. (For example, you can see one therapist for couples therapy and another for individual, but wouldn't see two couples therapists simultaneously). However, my suggestion isn't to start the same kind of ongoing therapy with multiple therapists—it's just to line up several options, try a full session with each one, and see who felt like the best fit.

A friend of mine did this recently and it worked out perfectly; she scheduled two first sessions in the same week with two different therapists and moved forward with the one she felt was a better match. On the therapist side, I've had clients come in and inform me up front that they were trying out a few therapists to see who they were most comfortable with, and I thought it was a great idea! (Don't worry about hurting our feelings; it's part of our training/ethics to deal with this. If a therapist ever makes you feel guilty or bad for leaving, that's usually not a good sign about their professionalism and ethics.)

To summarize, it's important to get the feel for a new therapist through a consultation or trying out a session or two. And if you haven't found "the one," that's totally okay! Move on to the next therapist until you find someone you really click with, and don't feel bad about it. A good, healthy, ethical therapist will always want you to find the right match.